This book was recommended to me as required reading before my first trip to the Philippines in 1999.  At that time there was much in the book which sailed right over my head.  After being married to a Filipina for more than two years now, I recently reread the book and I picked up on many things which had eluded me before.

The authors take us on a tour of Filipino culture and there are separate chapters devoted to values, traditional customs, living in the Philippines, and doing business in the Philippines.  There is also a chapter dealing with Filipino history but it is much too brief to do the subject justice.  There is also a chapter called "Profile of a Filipino" in which the various roles that Filipinos play in society are discussed.  Overall, the book covers a lot of ground without getting bogged down into too many details in any one area.

The reason the authors give for writing the book are explained in the introduction:

"The Western visitor finds he is talking the same language, but not communicating at all. With a sinking feeling he realizes he is not in America, or England, or Canada, but in an entirely different world."

The explanation of Filipino culture to the Westerner is the goal of this book.  Of course, one annoying assumption that the authors make is that all Westerners are alike.  Americans, Canadians, Brits, Australians, etc. are conveniently lumped into one category called "Westerner" and they are assumed to all have similar characteristics.  But then again, Tagalogs, Cebuanos, Ilocanos, etc. are conveniently lumped into one category called "Filipino" and they also are assumed to all have similar characteristics.

Be that as it may, how well the book succeeds in its goal of explaining Filipino culture to the Westerner, can only be judged by how accurate its descriptions of Filipino culture are.  And in that regard this reviewer is not in any way qualified to judge.  Having spent a total of four weeks in the Philippines in my whole life, I can only give you my impressions with few facts to back them up.

With that caveat in mind, I found that there are many areas where the book is spot on in its description of Filipino behavior.  Yes, Filipinos will not open a gift they receive from you in front of you.  They take it in the back room to open and appraise it later.  Yes, Filipinos operate on Filipino time and are frequently late. Yes, I have seen young folk greet their parents and grandparents by taking the hand of their elder and placing it on their forehead (i.e., mano po).  Yes, a Filipino will turn his/her palm down and bend the fingers to signal that you should come to them.  And on and on.  When it comes to descriptions of Filipino body language the book agrees perfectly with my own observations.

But later on, beginning with chapter 3, the book moves on to the much more murky area of Filipino values. The first of these values is HIYA (SHAME).  Of course, Tagalog words are used throughout the book (the Cebuano equivalent of HIYA is ULAW).  The authors define HIYA as "a universal social sanction, creating a deep emotional realization of having failed to live up to the standards of society".  Of course, HIYA is to be avoided at all costs by Filipinos.  The greatest insult is to say that someone is WALANG HIYA (WITHOUT SHAME).

The question I kept asking myself upon reading this passage is the following: Is it the sin itself (i.e., conscience) that causes the HIYA or is it the community's recognition that one has sinned (i.e., censure) that causes the HIYA?  The book is not clear on this issue.  For example, the book says that the practice of Filipino men having mistresses (QUERIDAS) is socially acceptable.  One would ordinarily assume that such a man would have HIYA over the fact that he has a mistress.  But if society accepts this then perhaps he feels no HIYA after all?  The book also says that the fact that a man has a mistress is not talked about in public. Why should this be the case if it is socially acceptable?  Apparent paradoxes abound on the subject of HIYA.

The second value is something the book calls AMOR PROPIO (a Spanish phrase meaning "love of self" or "self-respect").  In the Western context perhaps the word "ego" would be the best translation.  When a Filipino suffers HIYA his/her AMOR PROPIO is damaged, so this value is just a restatement of the first value. The way to think of this might be as follows.  For a Filipino, HIYA must be avoided so that AMOR PROPIO can be sustained.  If you've watched any Filipino news then you already know that there are frequent demonstrations in the Philippines.  Filipinos will readily protest against any institution which they feel threatens their rights.  This is AMOR PROPIO in action.

The third value is PAKIKISAMA (GETTING ALONG WITH OTHERS).  Since it is important that no one in the group should suffer HIYA, Filipino culture stresses getting along with others.  A Filipino must always be careful in his words and deeds not to offend members of his community.  Of course, this is the exact opposite of American culture in which problems must be confronted face on in order to be resolved.

The fourth value is UTANG NA LOOB (DEBT OF GRATITUDE).  In Filipino society one must always be conscious of the debt one owes others.  Of course, this debt is not necessarily a financial debt.  If one receives a favor from a member of the group then one is expected to repay the debt upon request.  It is UTANG NA LOOB which binds the members of the group to one another.  And to the Filipino way of thinking, the greatest UTANG NA LOOB that one has is to one's parents for bringing you into the world (specifically to one's mother).  That is why the number one role that a Filipino can play is to be a good son/daughter to his/her mother.  Filipinos value this role over others such as being a good husband/wife.  One's obligations to one's parents are paramount.  That is why both Filipinos and Filipinas will continue to live with their parents well into their 20's and 30's or until they get married.

One question I have about UTANG NA LOOB is this.  Does a Filipino consider UTANG NA LOOB to be a burden which will eventually be lifted?  Or does a Filipino accept UTANG NA LOOB as a permanent state of affairs? Does a Filipino seek to pay off the UTANG NA LOOB and cancel his/her debt?  Or does a Filipino accept the UTANG NA LOOB which he/she owes another as normal?  The book is not clear on these issues.

To confuse things even more, on page 47 the book states "the values previously mentioned very often apply only within each kinship grouping rather than in universal fashion. An outsider is viewed as fair game, and a different set of values is applied to deal with such persons or groups."  Oh great!, all that stuff we just talked about (HIYA, AMOR PROPIO, PAKIKISAMA, UTANG NA LOOB) doesn't apply to us foreigners (at least initially).  They can screw us over and not feel bad about it because we don't belong to their kinship structure.  Apparently these rules apply only within the kinship group (i.e., extended family).  The book defines the kinship group as the immediate family and close relatives on both the father's side and the mother's side.  How far out it extends is never explained.  Presumably, we foreigners by marrying into the Filipino family, are included into the kinship group and we now fall under the sway of UTANG NA LOOB.

Perhaps nothing is more confusing to the Westerner than the relative meaning of the words YES and NO.  As page 225 explains, the word YES can mean any of the following:

1.) Yes, of course
2.) I don't know
3.) Maybe
4.) If you say so
5.) No, but I won't openly disagree with you

What to make of this?  The best way I have of explaining it is the following.  We Westerners inhabit a universe of atoms and quantum physics and planets and supernovae and Boolean logic.  But that is not the universe that Filipinos inhabit.  Filipinos inhabit a social universe.  Westerners value precision in their language, but that is only because we have 25 centuries of scientific thinking behind us going all the way back to Aristotle and his syllogisms.  To Filipinos PAKIKISAMA is of paramount importance in language.  No one's feelings should be hurt, and that is why a Filipino is more than willing to tell you what he thinks you want to hear.  This is what my wife calls "riding on".  She works in an office and sometimes her boss holds a meeting and says something she doesn't understand at all.  But she will never ask him to explain himself. When I ask her why not she replies, "He just talk and talk. And I ride on". (And I am so glad that she didn't take that job as a technician at the nuclear power plant!)

One of the disappointments that I had when reading the book was its treatment of the supernatural.  On page 216 it lists certain creatures such as the ASWANG (WITCH), MANANANGGAL (FEMALE VAMPIRE), NUNO SA PUNSO (DWARF), etc.  If one didn't know better one might assume that such a listing has no more significance than the inclusion of such words as "werewolf", "vampire", etc. in an English dictionary.  The mere fact that we Westerners have such words does not mean that we believe in the existence of such creatures.  But that is not true for most Filipinos.  Even many educated Filipinos have a strong belief in the actual physical existence of such creatures.  It is a very brave or a very foolish Filipino who will approach a balete tree (especially at night), where a variety of supernatural creatures are believed to have their abode.  Upon learning this fact, I was astonished because I had always viewed the Philippines as a predominantly Roman Catholic country.  But the pre-Christian beliefs are still there in a submerged form. The book does not deal with this issue at all.

The book tends to jump around a lot. It has lots of details on Filipino fiestas, baptism etiquette, wedding etiquette, renting a house, dealing with the house help, doing business in the Philippines, etc., etc.  Most of these topics are of limited interest to Fil-Am couples.  There is no direct discussion of what to expect when you marry a Filipina.  There is no discussion of the culture shock that your Filipina wife will feel when she comes to America or to Canada or to wherever.  But overall it does give some useful information and I would recommend it to anyone contemplating their first trip to the Philippines.  On the deeper philosophical issues I think it leaves more questions unanswered than it answers.  Therefore I give it a rating of three stars (out of five).